on marriage | 01

after a year of marriage, i think its safe to say that i have a better understanding of the statement "'til death do us part"...it's because it takes a lifetime to get this whole wife thing down. i went into marriage thinking that i should be able to be the perfect wife. dinner on the table every night at 6:30, the kitchen always clean, the laundry always folded. i even bought aprons, because of course i was going to look adorable every time i cooked...

in reality, we never eat dinner until 930, i never clean up from dinner until the next day [so much for a clean kitchen], and i've maybe worn my aprons twice.

i feel like so many of us come into marriage with unreal expectations, then we're surprised and hard on ourselves when we find we struggle to fill this role of wife. but of course it's hard...all of a sudden you have responsibilities, bills, taxes, furniture to buy, maybe a baby to feed, all mixed in with your once so simple love.

when scofield and i had our first big fight, i found myself locked in the bathroom, curled up in fetal position on the floor, sobbing "what is wrong with us!?..." [mind you, it was a 300 sq. ft. studio apartment..where else was i to go?...towards my husband would have been a good start] "...nothing," he said. Yes...he was right..nothing! in marriage, there's going to be conflict. In fact, conflict is simply a sign of close proximity. not only you, but your spouse faces your selfishness head on. and that's never a pretty sight. marriage is work. two different people are coming together as one. maybe different ideas, different plans...so sometimes this coming together can result in a collision. so what do you do? you get back up [in my case, get out of the bathroom], brush it off, and try that whole conversation over again...this time softer, gentler, and with more grace for your spouse and for yourself.

from the oh so wonderful movie, the wedding date, "i would rather fight with you than make love with anybody else."